Dark Knight © DC Comics and Warner Brothers
This story was made purely for enjoyment purposes and does not make a profit 'nor will it ever.
What a familiar sight to behold. There you were, standing in front of a familiar electronic store watching the news while licking an ice cream cone than you had stolen from a nearby vendor. Low and behold, as you stood watching the daily news, you were also swiping wallets and placing them inside your coat. This seemed to be a normal routine, apparently.
“…And the Gotham Goliaths beat the Gotham Eagles again by five innings. It seems that the Eagles will have to go back to training as the Goliaths head on to the battle the nation…”
‘I should have asked Batty-Mc-Pants to find him,’ you licked your ice cream again, ‘he knows everything so why shouldn’t he know where Bruce’s house is?’
You briefly looked at your hand for a moment after noticing slight irritation after grabbing a mans’ wallet. The scratches you had gotten from Wayne’s previous home had begun to slowly scab over and start its healing process. You were still covered in ash and you could see your face was covered in it as well from your reflection in the window of the electronic store. You looked like a mess and it didn’t exactly help when you couldn’t find a pond or something while coming back to Gotham. You looked down at your wound and thought back to the cat you had met earlier and licked the side of your hand. You gagged at the taste and began to devour your ice cream, getting the taste out of your mouth. This just left you with an ashy face and a messy, ice cream covered mouth.
After finishing your ice cream, swiping possibly twenty wallets (you had no luck with purses today) and standing around for nearly an hour, something appeared.
“…As you all know, billionaire Bruce Wayne burnt down his mansion three weeks ago during a party his friends threw for his birthday. Sources state that he plans on rebuilding his home outside of Gotham and that it may take only six months to do so. Wayne is currently the present CEO of Wayne Enterprise and lives in a temporary pent house at…”
You stared stupidly at the television as they stated where he lived. You punched the window, yeeeesss. Wait long enough and you shall receive. Or… wait, how did it go? It didn’t matter now, you knew where he lived and this made you start running and skipping through the crowd of oncoming people (and you managed to finally snatch a purse!). You skipped and turned back to see if the woman had noticed but instead, made a mad dash towards Wayne’s new home as your kitty friend had suddenly appeared and was now following you…
As well as you knew Gotham, you were lost in the business district. You were around Wayne Tower but his pent house? Where was it?! It was around four and the sun was out of sight behind the towering buildings as people began getting off work. They avoided you like the plague because of how … dirty you were at the moment. It didn’t bother you, not like they never did that before.
You pursed your lips together. Should you go into Wayne Tower? Would they let you in if they said you knew Wayne? Most likely not. They would take you as an insane person and throw you out. Only the clean and proper could say they knew him, even if they didn’t. It’s annoying how people believe in stereotypes. Yes, you were homeless, dirty, smelly and looked horrid but you did know Wayne, you had an above average IQ and you didn’t tell lies (that was a lie)! You were also slightly not right in your mind but you were still passable to live amongst the ‘normal’ people! You would just be the odd one out.
You clenched your fists together but then sighed and scratched your head. No, it would be foolish to go in. It’s best to just stay outside and look around. They might not even give you directions to the apartment building if you asked, ‘nor a McDonalds. You pulled your hand from your hair and tugged lightly after you found it was stuck in your tangled and horrid hair. And all the pretty girls worry about bad hair days. Hahaha, you had that all the time. They should try brushing their hair with the edge of a cardboard box or a spaghetti ladle. The Little Mermaids got nothing on you.
You walked passed Wayne Tower and took notice to the construction taking place. It looked nearly finished, whatever they were doing and you looked up. The elevated trains track had been destroyed! How did that happen? It looked like they were still working on fixing the track but still, what? You hadn’t heard anything on the news about this. Was this why the train hadn’t been running for a while? You groaned. You loved taking the train now and then and you wobbled away from the tower, depressed that the track had been destroyed. Whatever, you still had the bus system.
You turned the corner and nearly bumped into a man dressed in a white suit. He jumped at the sight of you and scampered away. You stuck your tongue out at his fleeting form as you stuck his wallet in your coat. You kept walking and began noticing the foot traffic beginning to thin. Less and less people were here and there as the business district was slowly coming to an end. You paused near an alleyway and stood in front of a Starbucks. You looked around cautiously, stuck your hand into your coat pocket and placed your hand on the window, leaving an ashy handprint. Haha, awesome. Now you OWNED Starbucks. This entitles you to some free coffee and pestering of employees!
“Hear about Maroni? Heard he’s gonna go to a meetin’ tonight with the others,” a gruff voice tried to whisper. You gagged. You remembered that name from the slums. He was a mobster and you were done with mobsters.
“Know what I heard? Lau’s gone. After that break-in at the bank the other day and that guy who ran off with all their money, Lau took the rest and high-tailed it to China.”
Whaaaateverrrr. Wah, wah, earn the money and get it all back. You huffed and walked past the alley, not even bothering to look at who was speaking. You were done with them. D-o-n-e. If you wanted to be in a mob, then you’d go back to them but it wouldn’t be a mob, oh no, it would be a pirate gang! And you would dress up as a pirate and make all your comrades dress up as pirates. Then you’d buy a big, old ship and sail around it then blow up police and Navy boats! Haha! Forget engines! You would have WIND power!
You looked up. All that time musing with yourself had gone and night had fallen. You were some ways away from the business district and found yourself in front of the expensive apartment complex that Bruce should have been living in. You casually strolled in, ignored the receptionist who was staring at you and calling to you and strolled on over to the elevators. You looked at her and waved.
“My boyfriend lives here, I had a really bad day, don’t make me angry,” your face soured as she nodded her head. She kept giving you glances and you made a face. More than likely, she might be calling security after you left on the elevator. The bell dinged and the doors opened. Two people exited the elevator as you stood beside it. One glanced over at you, just noticing you were there as the other kept walking. You hopped in and pressed the top button you were allowed to press. The top button, which needed a key for it to operate, was probably the level to Bruce’s pent house. The doors closed and you waved to the receptionist and as you had deduced, as the doors nearly closed, she had picked up the phone, possibly to call security. Good times.
Sickening elevator music sounded lightly as you stayed clear of the walls and tried not to move. You didn’t want to dirty anything because this had been the nicest elevator you had ever laid eyes on. The elevator stopped at the fifth floor and you jumped, hoping you would jump higher than you normally would have but didn’t. The doors opened and a creepy looking man in his early twenties walked in.
“Floor?” you asked, ready to push the button for him.
He said nothing and pushed his glasses up. You lowered your hand and began to feel uneasy. Maybe it was your smell? The doors closed and the elevator lifted again. You concentrated on the music until at floor seven you noticed something odd. The man was not ignoring you, no, it was slowly inching towards you. This had never happened to you before. People usually stayed away from you but he was doing the exact opposite. You began thinking what sort of person was he and began thinking he was possibly one of those clean cut guys who hated their proper life style and demanded something more adventurous. Can’t get enough adventure from a dirty, homeless criminal who has a Man-Bat for a pet and helped place Gotham under a toxic gas, that’s for sure.
By the twentieth floor, he was closer and only five inches away. How disturbing. You screamed in your head and pressed the twenty-second floor and the doors opened once it arrived. You quickly ran off and ran down the beautifully decorated hallway, away from the man. You breathed and ran into a corridor and quickly found the stairwell. You kicked open the door (breaking the door handle off in the process) and began running up the stair case. Thankfully, you only had a few more stairs to climb until you were at the top of the building.
Once you had arrived at the second to the last floor, to your distaste, you found that you needed some sort of pin code to enter the floor. You bashed the keypad, tired from running and tired from walking out and back into Gotham in one day. Instead, with all your strength, you began to kick the lock repeatedly, hoping that it would break open. It did so on the third kick and you were in. You closed the door behind you and bashed your head against the door once you noticed a security camera was aimed at the door. Lovely. At least they know that their security lock sucks now.
You scrambled into the even lovelier hallway and to the only door on the entire floor. You note the title and remember what the woman had said on the news earlier. This was his. Yeeeesss. Mission almost accomplished. You looked around briefly and noticed another security camera pointed at his door. You waved and made a face then pointed your finger at the door bell. No. Wait.
That wouldn’t be courteous of you.
You were never one to be polite and enter with permission. Enter in with some style, make them remember you! You jiggled the door knob to find the bugger was locked and did what you previously did to the other door; kick it until it broke.
Fortunately, you didn’t have to kick for very long. One kick made the lock go a bit hay-wire and automatically logged in the password and key code. Basically, it had re-submitted information that was previously given to it. Yayyy technology! You opened the door then kicked it open wider.
Holy shit. This was nice.
You close the door behind you and locked the door by the dead bolt so security wouldn’t be able to get in. You looked around and admired the pent house. For a small area, it was nice. There was a staircase in the middle of the room, a large living room and some other place beyond that that was overlooking the city with its window walls. This was… this was…. you wanted one!
“Why does he get all the nice stuff?” you whined as you scoured the area. You found yourself in the kitchen and began to rummage through cabinets and so on. You opened the refrigerator to find it stocked with food. You imagined that only Alfred saw this and took hold of the milk carton.
“Yo!” you yelled as loud as you could. Your voice echoed slightly as you untwisted the cap, “I’m in your house, killin’ your dudes!” you called out again. Nothing. A little twisted smile washed over your face as you drank from the milk carton. You had the place all to yourself! You felt like a little kid who was home alone for the first time. What to do? What to do now?! You giggled in excitement and put the milk carton back. You could eat his ice cream and watch scary movies until he came back or called all your homeless buddies and have a sleep-wait. How would you do that?
Call them by a sea conch! Yeah! That always works in the movies!
You pranced around the pent house looking at everything you could spot and looked into every closet and hidden area you could find. The living room had the largest fireplace you had ever seen. It wrapped around a large pillar and you could light it from all sides. His bedroom was a clean, modernized bedroom that had glass window things in front of his bed. His bathroom didn’t surprise you though, in fact, it depressed you. There was no tub this time, only a glass shower stall. How common. Did this mean he takes quickies now?
You bounced on his bed as the night became darker. They hadn’t come back yet. Where were they? You hopped off the bed after noticing the ash was falling off your clothes. You straightened out the bed the best you could and decided against touching it after your hands left marks. You scurried off to the living room and plopped into a darker chair instead of a white one and sat. What would he say when he saw you? ‘Get out, you’re making a mess?’ Would he actually try to talk to you? It all seemed possible, all of it.
“They are dark and always on the run. Without the sun, there would be none,” you chanted a riddle Ngyma had given you before he left Cranes crew. You missed him. He was always so much fun to bother whenever no one else would listen to you. Each time you did, he’d spit out another riddle at you and you’d finish it eventually. He would constantly tell you his opinions about Scarecrows operations and how foolish it was then would try to convince you to come with him and away from such a silly little plan.
“I call him ‘The Riddler’,” you snorted as you lazily laid your head on Jim’s lap.
“He’s just a freak who doesn’t know when to stop. Don’t ‘ssociate with him no more, I don’t trust him, yeah,” Jim played with strands of your wig which made you feel highly uncomfortable.
“But he’s so entertaining. He tells me all sorts of stuff, he’s so intelligent and stuff,” you blurted out. You sounded like a love-sick school girl.
“So does Crane. He’s pretty smart too, yeah and guess which ones runnin’ this operation? Quit while you’re ahead, love.”
“He has married many women but has never been married, who is he?”
“Oh, come off it!”
The door slammed and woke you up. You briefly yawned and realized that there were people talking in the pent house! You carefully moved around in your seat then jumped up once the voices got closer, yelling ‘boo’ and waved your arms in the air. Alfred jumped and paled at the sight of you while Bruce paled in general.
“You’ll be giving me an early heart attack, miss,” Alfred sighed and shook his head. He was probably thinking about the mess he was going to clean up with you looking the way you were. He turned around, “I’ll leave you with her, Master Wayne. Make sure you give her a good bath.”
“So nice,” you placed your elbows on top of the arm chair and placed your chin in your palms, “he’s the first person to acknowledge something about me today. The rest jump away in fear,” you shuddered at the man in the elevator.
“Yes, well, he is a butler,” Bruce took off his coat and began walking to his room, “and he likes to keep things rather…. clean,” he paused momentarily after he saw the mess you had left in your wake.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” you smiled sheepishly, “I tried to not make a mess after I jumped on your bed… which was a long while later..,” you looked at the ground as Bruce slowly put his coat away, looking at the ash laying on his bed.
“Where did you go today?” he un-did his tie quickly.
“Your home,” you said simply. He raised an eyebrow, “you knowwwww, the one where you went drunk and burnt it down?” he paused then nodded, “I sort of forgot you didn’t live there anymore, sorry.”
“That’s… alright,” he placed his tie in a drawer.
“And I’m sorry for how I was…,” you said slowly while looking at the ground, “I was.. bratty, I guess? It’s just … the homeless are tight knit, I guess you could say? When there’s a new one, people flock to them and make friends. I just assumed it was the same way for everyone else and so I’m guessing that I acted out of line and apologize for doing so,” you wrung your wrists. It was always so embarrassing when you apologized to someone so you didn’t do it often. You just hoped that the event would pass and you would both forget but this had affected the way you felt, so you couldn’t avoid it.
“It’s alright,” his voice sounded closer. You looked up and he stood before you with a smile on his face and was now down to his white shirt and black business pants. He placed his hands on your shoulders and smiled more gently, “people are diverse and situations make people see things that others may take for as wrong or right. I believe we are friends but it was under different circumstances that I was not able to invite you to my party. I am sorry at to make it up to you, I’ll invite you to the next one, alright? As soon as I get a chance to contact you I will,” he gave your shoulders a reassuring squeeze and you smiled. You felt so much better, like confessing a sin to a priest. That emotional baggage you had was now lifted and you wondered why you even worried in the first place.
“Yes, well,” you brushed him off and turned your back on him, admiring his bedroom, “this pent house is nice. It’s much simpler than your other one.”
“You like it? Alfred helped finding it for me,” you heard the closet closing and turned to see him retreat to his arm chair. You followed, “it’s close to work and it has a wonderful view of Gotham.”
“Yes, and the securities rather terrible,” you commented as you plopped next to him on the floor, “I managed to kick down the lock in the stair well three times and your door malfunctioned on one kick.”
“Oh, really?” he sounded unfazed, “well, I’ll just have to send in a complaint then.”
“I also noticed you’ve only a shower stall,” a sneaky smile crept onto your lips, “have you gotten kinkier then?” you looked up at him to see him turn away. The sight of him blushing made your smile only widen.
“Of course not,” he came back and adjusted the bottom of his shirt then looked down at you, “I’ve been working, that’s all I’ve been doing. I’ve had to call contractors to re-build the elevated train rail, fix part of Wayne Tower, get people to re-build my house, blah, blah, blah,” he was starting to sound like you.
“Oh come on, you’re rich! You’ve got to be doing someone!” you jumped up onto the arm chairs arm and looked at him with curious eyes. It was like begging Santa to reveal where he hid the presents.
“How have you been doing?” he quickly changed the subject. You pouted but went along with it.
“Fine as always,” you stated simply and sat back down on your knees, still unhappy with your unanswered question.
“Where are the clothes you wore last time? They were so nice,” he commented on your current apparel. Even without the ash, you were dirtier as ever and still wore your old clothing that he first met you in. The only thing that really changed was that the holes in your pants got bigger, your coat pockets seemed bulkier (with all the extra walls and one purse) and your hair seemed … as bad as ever.
“Yes, well, I gave them away because they were much too nice for me. I enjoyed them while I had them but I saw other people in need and gave it to them. Needless to say, I was nearly arrested again,” you placed your forehead on the armchair, “because they had refused my offer so I stripped down and shoved my clothes to them. Luckily though, Keith was nearby so I stole his coat until I could get some clothes. Bertha had my old clothes for some reason but I think she was PMSing because she wouldn’t give them back so I had to haggle. I got them back but I still need to give Keith his coat back…,” you opened up your coat to reveal a second, light brown coat.
“Nice coat,” Bruce commented, “what did you haggle?”
“Whatever I get next time, money, items, whatever, I give to her and I already got it so I’m not going to worry about it,” you closed your coats and wiggled.
“That’s good then,” Bruce looked away and towards the night sky.
“You know how you’re going to invite me to a party next time to make it up to me?” you finally asked. He looked at you and nodded, “I want to make it up to you for being so ick,” he looked at you curiously.
“What do you have in mind then?”
“I’m going to take you to the slums!” you clapped your hands together. Bruce looked amused.
“And what will that show me?” it seemed that he was just humoring you and not taking you seriously.
“When we get there,” you stood up and ran over to his closet and began digging through his nice clothes, leaving ash marks here and there, “you’ll see. Living in the slums can be much more rewarding than being a rich, pansy boy who has quickies in his bathroom,” you heard skin slap and believe it was Bruce hitting his palm to his forehead.
You finally found what looked like one of his older shirts and pants and threw them at his head. He caught them and you took off your own jacket, leaving you with Keith’s and slightly cooler.
“Are you being serious about this?” he questioned as he looked at the clothes you picked out for him.
“Yes, yes, now go!” you took his arm and threw him into the bathroom before he protested, “it’ll be a good experience!” you looked at a nearby wall clock which signaled it was only nine.
You paced around the room while you dug through your coat pockets, making sure there wasn’t anything that Bruce shouldn’t find in there and threw it at his head once the door opened. I think you’re readddyyy!” you sang as he looked at the coat before he put it on.
“What’ll this teach me again?” Bruce questioned as he began to mess up his hair. This surprised you.
“The… oh shush,” you went over and helped him by rubbing his hair and messing everything up. You patted your hands against your pants and covered them with ash then began to leave your marks over his clothes and face, “you’re so pretty!” you cackled as you dirtied him. He didn’t seem to protest, “I’m surprised at you.”
“What?” he asked as you began to ruffle his hair again.
“I did this once to someone else but they didn’t even want me to touch them and ended up rejecting my offer,” you clapped your hands at your finished work. It looked slightly mediocre but by the time he got to the slums, he would fit in.
“Maybe they weren’t as open-minded as I am,” he looked at himself in the mirror in the bathroom and admired your work. You snickered at his comment.
“Let’s go then!” you opened and closed Keith’s coat, (im)patiently waiting for him to get out of the bathroom.
“What’s in your pockets?” Bruce stared at your overloaded pockets. You looked down.
“Ah… what I’m to give to Bertha. It’s just a bunch of rubbish I found earlier today. It’s rather valuable to the homeless though,” you opened the door and ran out and waited for Bruce at his front door again.
“Alfred,” he called before approaching you.
“Yes, sir?” the old man called and a moment later, he appeared out of the kitchen in an apron.
“I won’t be having dinner tonight. I’m apparently going to the slums. Save what you’re doing for tomorrow night,” he waved at the butler.
“Ah, alright then. I suppose I won’t be seeing you until the next morning?” Bruce nodded, “well then, just don’t bring back anything dirty that I have to clean up,” he looked over at you. You felt he wasn’t talking about you in general but the condition you were in. You smiled and left a hand print on the wall next to you just to annoy him. He rolled his eyes and went back into the kitchen.
“You shouldn’t do that to him,” ah, that’s what he said but that’s not what his eyes said. Bruce looked so amused as you tormented Alfred like a child would to an elder. Actually, that’s exactly how it was.
“He knows I didn’t mean to make a mess intentionally. That was the only thing I wanted to make messy,” you skipped out of the pent house and walked alongside him to the elevator.
“Yes, well, that just means more work for him and he’s rather old,” he stuck his face closer to yours as he said the last part.
“You’re old too, sir,” the elevator dinged and you both hopped on. Unfortunately, to your dismay, the creepy man was there. Bruce nodded to the man but again, the man did nothing. You scooted closer to Bruce but found the man had scooted closer to you again! You acknowledged this as you and your rich friend talked quietly to each other but then you quickly hit the tenth floor and dragged him out.
“Why are we stopping here for?” he looked back at the elevator as the doors closed.
“It’s better to take the stairs, gives you more exercise!” you swung his arm around as you kicked open the stairwell door and began climbing down the staircase.
“But it’s quicker to go down the elevator..,” Bruce tried to protest.
“No talkie! No elie! Walkie, walkie!” you yelled back at him as you took him further down the building.